“Eat before shopping. If you go to the store hungry, you are likely to make unnecessary purchases.”

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.”

“Deal with the consequences of your actions, ’cause life ain’t no video game.”

“When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish.”

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we elected them.”

“One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.”

“Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise.”

“I’m seventeen and I’m crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.”

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.