I never give them [the public] hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell.

“If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?”

“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”

“Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.”

“There’s always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it’s always somebody else.”

“I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.”

“Millions of words are written annually purporting to tell how to beat the races, whereas the best possible advice on the subject is found in the three monosyllables: ‘Do not try.’”

“Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.”

“Little by little, one travels far.”