Motivational and Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap and easy.

It is too difficult to think nobly when one thinks only of earning a living.

There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do.

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.

Money is what you'd get on beautifully without if only other people weren't so crazy about it.

I am looking for a lot of men who have an infinite capacity to not know what can't be done.

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different.

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church.

Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

“It is better to wear out than to rust out.”

“A compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly, unless you want to hurt the giver.”

“Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.”

“Suicidal glory is the luxury of the irresponsible. We’re not giving up. We’re waiting for a better opportunity to win.”

“Crime does not pay … as well as politics.”

“I’ve wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won out over it.”

“Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.”

“My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared.”

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.

I'm too old for this shit!

Give me a lever long enough, and I shall move the world.

War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

“Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.”

“If you don’t find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.”

“When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.”

“The things we know best are the things we haven’t been taught.”

“Imagination is more important than knowledge…”

“For what I have received, may the Lord make me truly thankful. And more truly for what I have not received.”

“If you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness.”

“Everybody is too busy with their own lives to give a damn about your book, painting, screenplay etc, especially if you haven’t sold it yet. And the ones that aren’t, you don’t want in your life anyway.”

Please, Peg, if you have any feelings for me, don't make me make love to you.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

To be content with little is hard; to be content with much, impossible.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

“Eat before shopping. If you go to the store hungry, you are likely to make unnecessary purchases.”

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.”

“Deal with the consequences of your actions, ’cause life ain’t no video game.”

“When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish.”

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we elected them.”

“One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.”